Why I care about all life issues. My personal story.

38 years ago I was an accessory to murder.

In March of 1974, I allowed (and helped finance) the murder of my son. Even at the age of 17, though not really a Christian, my belief that abortion was wrong was very strong. The problem was I allowed myself to be manipulated by a notion that may be more popular today than it was even then -- the notion that while I was the child's father I had no rights in the matter because it was not happening in my body. I expressed my strong reservations, I suggested alternatives, I proposed marriage, but in the end I capitulated because of the words constantly ringing in my ears, "This is not your decision."

Once the die was cast and the procedure performed (yes, sadly, I helped pay for it) my girlfriend and I never spoke of it again. But there was a deep, painful rift between us which eventually developed into an unbridgeable chasm. We parted ways just a few months later. It was three years before I was able to tearfully confide in a friend my dark sin. Two years after that I told my wife to be, as we were beginning our physical relationship, and made her promise me that no matter what happened, she would never abort a child. It was fifteen years, after confessing a mere handful of times to others, before I finally told my parents and family.

At the suggestion of a trusted counselor, I named the child and asked God to forgive me and to care for the child so we could both be at peace. I know God has forgiven me, but I still sometimes struggle with forgiving myself for the death that I caused.

My purpose in telling my story in a public forum is to illustrate what many people, both men and women, deny -- that the decision to terminate a pregnancy does not belong to just one person, nor does the responsibility for such an act. Abortion effects its victims, adult and child alike, for years and the lightness with which many people approach it is shockingly ignorant and extremely painful to me. Unborn babies, whether conceived by rape, incest, lust, or love, are humans in every sense and we are REQUIRED by God to afford them the respect and protection that any person deserves.

My story is ongoing, the forgiveness for myself and the healing are processes that will probably not end until the day I meet my savior, Jesus Christ, in heaven and can personally apologize to my son for not being the father he deserved. It is my greatest hope that the pain I have lived with can help someone else in the position I was in 38 years ago, accept the responsibility for their action and avoid the agony of the senseless taking of precious life.